Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Cookie Dough, Evening Primrose, and Academics..
Maaaan, it's been a wild couple of weeks- I've had little time to gather my thoughts, and the days I've been home, I'm just soo tired all the time. It's finally spring break- thinking I should go to Daytona with the party cats, but alas, those days are long gone for moi. I did end up dropping a class- I just can't seem to focus and am finding all this multi-tasking way too much for this girl to handle.B and I are doing ok, actually, but there's a problem. Seems I'm experiencing some of what is referred to as "sexual side effects" probably from meds, but could I be in the early stages of mental pause? It just sucks either way- thus my title evening primrose- B brought me some last week- it actually DOES work, but what about my burned out brain and lack of interest in anything? B is a huge vitamin fanatic- It's all I can do to take my meds consistently, never mind vitamins that are all the size of a nuclear warhead, and leave your mouth tasting like battery acid and your urine looking like PineSol, you know that irridescent glow?
Do you ever get the feeling you just have not much to say? I know I write mostly for me here, but sometimes I feel like I just have nothing to contribute-My thoughts sometimes even make ME yawnnnn.
P brought home a fundraiser for school- Cookie dough- all kinds- I looked at the cover and drooled over the pictures of chocolate macadamia and White chocolate chunk cookies, only to open it up and find that 3 pounds of dough cost $15 and up!! WTF? The other concern was that they are stored at room temperature, and only need to be chilled after opening..It just sounds sooo...artificial. Guess I'll buy some to help the cause, and hope we don't all glow in the dark after eating these things..
My neice, J was accepted into the Museum of Fine Arts School!! Yay, J!! One of the local newspapers featured her last week as a "Future Leader".. Very exciting times !
I finally wrote her a letter thanking her for the painting, and was able to find a copy of "The Red Balloon" for her.. She was floored , as was I when I saw this painting, made just for me :)
M, (the pdoc) and I had a great talk- He has decided to start a group (yes, I know, the word group usually sends me running for cover) for children and parents with ADD and Bipolar Disorder- He would like Patrick and I to participate, to share our experiences with other families who are going through much of what we have gone through.. It's in the planning stages now, so we shall see :)
I'm really trying not to look at the school thing as being a failure, but I'm struggling with that- People carry full course loads and cruise right on through- I try Part-part- time, and it kicks my ass...Being sick didn't help, but I still feel like I had too much on my plate..
I'm having alot of memories of my past that are disturbing as well- Things I had long stuffed away- My dreams are vivid, my memories even more so. I seem to be recollecting things that happened, and when I recall them, it's like it's happening all over. Several times I've awakened from sound sleep in tears, feeling the pain as if it were fresh.. Will be seeing therapist tomorrow, and will tell her..
Sorry this is a bit rambly..I don't really know what to say today, but maybe now with a lighter load I can gather my thoughts and make some sense- Not to mention, I'll have more time to write. I have committed myself to writing here at least once weekly, and hopefully more- Even if it's just to say " Hi, I'm alive. Please feel free to kick me in the ass if I slip up :)
I hope YOu're all well, I miss you as always.
Ohh and does anyone know what's up with the tower? I can't access it- keeps redirecting me??
I REALLY miss chatting there..
Talk to you all soon, I hope..
Peace*,
Mad
3:04 PM |
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