Coming out of the Dark

Friday, April 07, 2006

K: Portrait of a Middle Aged Runaway

So, yes, I am , in fact, still among the living. It's been another tough few weeks, with so much going on and a vicious cycle of insomnia keeping me awake most nights until 3 a.m. or later (earlier?). Thank you all who have emailed and left messages- I truly suck for not at least hopping in to say "my life sucks but I still love you all".. My Jewish mothers have guilted me into coming out from my self-imposed exile to say "hey".. * Note: If you are Jewish this is NOT a slam- We ALL know what Jewish mother's are like , bless their hearts :) And, no you all didn't really guilt me- I know I've gone astray, I need that kick in the ass now and then :)

Emotionally, I've just been kinda stagnant- It may be the change in seasons, and if so it generally lasts a few weeks, then, like a spring flower I blossom into.... ROBO-Bitch!!!

That's when I get a burst of energy and whip my house, kids, and anything else that annoys me into shape! So far I have in my grand plan to redecorate my dining room, my bedroom, and plant some herbs and veggies outside. We'll see how that goes.

B is doing so much better- hard to keep a good man down, I guess - Or is it good to keep a....? :)

He jokes about me "poisoning " him with baked ziti - hahaha We all know if I wanted to off him he'd be fertilizing those lovely weeping willows as we speak :)

Babs, I love your new term "lexacoma" hahahaha so verrry true!!! I am up to 100 mg daily- it's kicking ass with me, but whatcha gonna do? I do know this- Do NOT ever just stop taking it- Miss Nurse know-it-all did that once and became a homicidal maniac!! Made Joan Crawford look like MaryfuckingPoppins!! Ahhhh the good old days, eh?
In other news, therapy is going very well- I'm still deeply affected by my frequent trips down memory lane- I hate this- I wish I could simply get over this crap- close the door and don't look back. I tend to minimize things in regards to my feelings and things that have hurt me, thinking it's all in the past and often making excuses for those who hurt me- I'm getting better at accepting that horrible things were done and said and they were wrong, just wrong-It does seem to me that when I face some things and verbalize them, the process is painful, but the outcome is a positive one in that I feel as though another heavy load has been lifted , not removed- I can't erase things, but processing them seems to put them back where they belong- In my past :)

I hope you all are doing well, I cannot access the tower still-And I really really miss you all there!!
Lisa- I'll leave you a comment but if you see this first- email me :)

Talk to you all soon!
Peace*
Mad

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